The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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