Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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