why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
