Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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