If i come over, it means nothing
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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