just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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