talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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