If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
