In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
