Where did you get a picture of my penis
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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