So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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