You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
