do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
