I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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