I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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