He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
