Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
