nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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