yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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