yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize