things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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