i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
