college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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