Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
