It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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