If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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