I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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