Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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