i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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