sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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