you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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