i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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