he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
