it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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