u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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