I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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