I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
