my shit smells like andre
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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