Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
