Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
zippers are such a cool invention
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
