This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
