Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
