she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
