i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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