just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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