Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
