everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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