are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
