Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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