i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
