I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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