Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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