Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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