i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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