I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
