My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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