yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
