Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
