Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
