guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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