I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
