My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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