My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
