so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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