This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
