mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
