We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
