if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
