How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
