i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
