but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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