two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
