It's Friday. Sex?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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