ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
