my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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