When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
