checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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