my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
