They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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