That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize