you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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