So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
