i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
