If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
